some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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