yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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