i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
