Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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