You can't motorboat a personality
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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