And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i think i just lost a toe
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
