Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
