i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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