I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
