Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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