just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
tonight lets celebrate not being married
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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