I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
