and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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