I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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