She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
