At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
