i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
