i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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