I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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