Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
