we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
