i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize