I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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