Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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