On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
