I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
