So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
