Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you didnt know i had herpes?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
