When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This house was built for laser tag.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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