so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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