thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
no, he came in my armpit
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
