So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
