I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
