we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
