if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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