Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Blood and glitter go together right?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
