new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
