My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
