New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
