Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
