Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Everyone says I win the strip club
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
