DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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