a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
