I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My friends, they love my intelligence
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
