Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
