If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
