just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
