you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
