this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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