just come out here and I will go home with you...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
