I didn't shave. On purpose
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
