I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
They have beer where we have blood.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
