Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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