you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
