I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
