tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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