so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
