I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
