If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
