note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
