Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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