About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
