Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
