what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
