I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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