If you die in college, do you die in real life?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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