Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
