So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
