Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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