I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
