Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
