I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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