How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
